On Fire

I woke up angry this morning. Like, raging, watch-out-world angry. At least, angry is what I thought I was at first. I don't know if I can necessarily call it angry for long, because it wasn't really "anger" in the sense that I am used too. I usually get angry when some injustice happens, when someone crosses a boundary, or I see someone I love hurt. This was different. 

This was an alarm going off in my brain. A loud, shrieking siren with flashing lights. It was a "Wake up!" feeling. One that said, "FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS." It was a shadow chasing, light shedding, alert. My body has had enough.

What I am about to say may put me in jeopardy of some judgement. See, I never get zits. Even as a hormone fueled teenager, I would have (at most) two zits in a month. I currently have more zits on my face than I usually get in an entire year. (6 zits, to be exact. SIX! With one bright red, volcanic little number that is trying to take root as my third eye.)

So, lets just add up everything that my body has finally said, "ENOUGH!" And is calling me to action about. (this sentence is driving me nuts, but I can't think of a way to fix it. So I am leaving it the way it is. Though it may drive me to the looney bin.)

My hair is falling out. In handfuls. I am shedding more hair than a pack of poorly groomed golden retrievers. (I so wish I was joking here, but I'm not.) I have to sweep and vacuum multiple times a week if we don't want to be wading through mountains of hair. Gross, I know. Sorry for the mental image.

I'm exhausted. Getting out of bed after 8 hours of sleep is one of those monumental tasks akin to spouting off the Gettysburg address, after being spun around a hundred times with a mouth full of marbles. While being attacked by a bunch of needy, claw-happy kittens. And that exhausted feeling follows me around all day.

The aforementioned zits.

I lost almost 15 lbs while in India. And in less than 6 weeks gained it all back again. Part of this is due to being malnourished in India (apparently you can't be sick 4 times a week, never eat fresh fruits or veggies and live off of snickers as your primary source of nutrition and be healthy at the same time). Once I returned from this little adventure, my body went "AHHHHHHHHH" and immediately started storing everything it needed for the next season of famine. Poor body doesn't know that short of being shot, returning to a place such as India and living there for any amount of time just isn't gonna happen.

I've gone to my doctor and had some blood work down (still waiting on results), but what I really know? Things gotta change. Eating habits, workout habits, sleeping habits. Mainly all my habits. Which, if you think about it, isn't entirely comfortable. Change is hard. And my relationship with food and exercise is complicated. But it is something I'm going to get over. Starting... now. Because my health is more important than just about anything (Except for Ross and Rachel, I mean, come on. Priorities people.) 

So what does this look like? I'm not sure entirely. I know for sure that is means all processed foods and sugar are a no-go. Starting..... NOW. (That ellipsis was me eating the only food in my office. A bagel. Cause I hadn't eaten anything for breakfast. So we can start now.) Yoga errrrrrry day. Cause, well, duh. Its yoga. And I shall take up running like I always said I wanted too. 

How all of this is going to play out, I'm not quite sure. I mean, I'm not going to be crazy about this. But what I am thinking is no processed foods/sugar until my birthday. That is only a few weeks away and totally doable. And then I can eat what I want on my birthday, and then go back to being prudent until Thanksgiving. Where I shall eat all the pie, because I've been looking forward to that pie since last Thanksgiving. Guys, I love pie. I'm not giving it up. You can't make me. 

So, that's the plan Stan. Feel free to offer all the words of advice/comfort/commiserating that you wish. Encouragement is always nice, so if you have any extra of that please pass it along.